Above: Underground Mouse, watercolor, by Roberta Hoffman

Musings from the SICA Board:

What Subud Culture Means to Me

Subud culture for me is an accumulation of what has occurred since my opening. There are certainly standout moments which include vicissitudes galore, ranging from transfixing wonder, to hilarity, to frustration and resentment.

Leaving the Latihan hall with a dear Subud brother after a latihan so intense that walking or thinking proved challenging, rates right up there. We both commented to each other that it was a great Latihan.

Going into the store for some food while parked in a loading zone, feeling confident the two Subud brothers in the car would tend to problems – only to return to find them arguing in the back seat while a police officer wrote me a ticket, is near the top of the list for things that make me chuckle to this day.

That brings to mind two phrases that seem to crop up fairly frequently:

Likewise, during my helper tenure (which I really miss), I remember the sense of receiving during testing which had an indelible sense of warmth, acceptance, planes of energy, and healing colors. The flip side? Receivings which seem to have more to do with personal agendas and ideology or tangential resentments than one might hope for.

Witnessing how my brothers and sisters apply their receiving to the real world is a source of wonder and gratitude, as are the many pieces in our home made by those wonderful individuals. Every morning at this time of year, I awaken to a kinetic shadow created by the sun shining on a small figure/mobile in our entryway which was given to us as a housewarming gift by another Subud member.

It contributes to my happiness to spend time after latihan speaking with my brothers and sisters and understanding the continuum of their lives. One is a brother I met years before I was even opened. We both were so surprised to see each other in the latihan hall! The same has also happened to other friends in Subud. The commonality and validation of parallel spiritual directions is comforting and gratifying.

Why is Subud culture important to me? It has resulted in a daily practice which brings me closer to the sense of divinity residing in all my surroundings: including my sustenance, the sky, people, plants, and animals I encounter.

Jim O’Halloran

When I’m “in the zone” of full-tilt receiving during Latihan, the experience can be life altering and serve as a guiding light to which I turn in “times of trouble”.

In 1974 I was 26 years old, having experienced the Latihan for five years at that point, married for three years to a fellow actor who was preparing to join the David Wolper film company as part of the Primal Man TV series, the first in a long line-up of mini-series for which Mr. Wolper became famous. I was half-way through my Latihan at the Subud House on Ventura Blvd in Los Angeles, when a tsunami of grief washed through me. I allowed the crying and wailing the run its course, with images of my husband, Jim Dickson, being swept away from me. I spoke of the experience afterwards with a helper, who dismissed me with the back of her hand, “Never mind, dear; we all experience grief during Latihan from time to time.”

A month later as Jim was preparing to join his fellow actors at a 2 am meeting place to be driven to the shooting site around Lake Arrowhead, I felt strongly to keep him from going: pleaded, cajoled, badgered – all to no avail, because I could not make a logical case as to why he should give up his life’s work. A voice came into my head loud and clear: “You cannot deny him this experience!” And I reluctantly drove him to the rendezvous.

The call came at 2 am on the final day of the shoot that the plane containing all 35 actors and crew had crashed into the side of the Mammoth Mountains killing all on board. Oh, I see – that’s what the grieving Latihan had been about. I was being prepared for what was to come – a tragedy that I couldn’t prevent, influence, nor change, because the decision wasn’t mine to make: it was Jim’s. But having experienced the grieving process in advance gave me unprecedented strength to carry on. I retrieved Jim’s poems stored on napkins in a shoebox, typed them out, edited them and published them in a book of poetry. I arranged for his funeral, sent out notices to his friends and family, and conducted the funeral services, reading ten of his best poems during the graveside service attended by some 200 people. All the while I remained in a state of Latihan-grace, without which I would not have been able to function.

More recently, in November 2014 as I was nearing the end of my Sunday morning group Latihan, a voice in my head strongly proclaimed, “Your Father’s waiting for you to forgive him before he departs!” Since I was in the midst of Latihan-grace, I immediately said, “Oh, sure!” and launched into the forgiveness mantra that I learned in the 1980’s: “I fully and freely forgive you, I release you and let you go to your good, quickly and in peace. All things are cleared up between us for now and forever.”

The next day I received a call from my brother who lives near my father’s assisted living facility in Flower Mound, Texas. Dad had died on Sunday around 1 pm Central Time, 15 minutes after I forgave him during that amazing Latihan. By the way, he died at the age of 95, on the same day as Peter O’Toole’s passing, also at 95 years of age.

My relationship with my father was born out of my sense of his mental and emotional abuse, and again, it was the Latihan that released me from harboring lasting resentment and hatred towards him. Forgiveness is a two-edged “sword”: it releases the one being forgiven, but it definitely releases the person doing the forgiving.

Yours in Subud, Fayra Teeters

Musing on Subud Culture; Talking and Testing

A couple of points must be established prior to speaking about what Subud Culture means to me. I want to make it clear that everything here must be viewed as a personal, subjective view and carries little or no value for anyone else.

In Subud Culture, unless Bapak and/or Ibu are quoted, it’s not likely that anything said will be taken as anything other than purification, speculation or conjecture and quickly forgotten. Everyone who speaks about Subud expresses their own experience filtered and interpreted by their own character and nature.

Since so little that is spoken about Subud has any intrinsic cultural value in the Subud sense, very little discourse happens. What’s the point? I’ve been to dozens of Subud gatherings over my fifty-five years doing the latihan and rarely do I engage anyone in a discussion about the “content” of the Subud experience, the effect of doing the latihan, or any type of spiritual experience. One might get the idea that there isn’t much happening in Subud in this regard. So, a brief thing about how I receive and how it relates to testing.

One recent evening, right after latihan I had an incredible information download that rocked me to the core. I won’t go into the details here, but it was as if I had an instantaneous receiving about events that will follow immediately after (my) death. Unlike NDE’s that are often described on You Tube as happening in real time, this was non-linier in character; all the information happened all at once, directly downloaded into my consciousness. If I were to compare it to testing, I could say my testing/receiving has always been similarly instantaneous. It has been difficult for me to endure a drawn-out testing session as if the helpers are expecting an answer in real time or the answer will be somehow more authentic if the session is longer. In my experience the results of testing are received almost before the question is expressed. My feeling in this case is that I had an inner, unexpressed question answered and the answer crossed over into my conscious mind. It brought with it a sense of contentment and joy, an antidote for my recent heavy feelings.

I believe the idea that testing must go on for several minutes comes from Bapak’s group testing sessions. He would often draw out the action, presumably so people who weren’t receiving well could get a good dose of the latihan. To my knowledge Bapak never used this sort of public testing to receive the answer to an individual’s question. When someone had a life question and brought it to Bapak the answer was given without explanation on how it was received. We never knew if Bapak’s experience was immediate or if he took several moments to get the answer. Based on my experience I suspect the former is true. What do you think?

Lawrence Pevec